The Last of the Mohicans

I can't stand this book. If it wasn't for the fact that we have a test on it the second day of school I wouldn't spend my last week of summer freedom reading this. First of all, why would you give a guy two names? And never obviously point out that they're the same guy? I mean, I can kind of see that when he's called Major Heyward he seems more military-like and when he's called Duncan he's more normal or whatever, but why complicate things? Just call him Major Duncan. Then you get both connotations. And drop the "major" when you want him to seem less harsh. Also, it annoys the crap out of me that characters just pop out of nowhere. So this group of men are canoeing down a river for a chapter, then all of a sudden the colonel appears in the boat the chapter after. There was absolutely no mention of the colonel anywhere in the previous chapter. And then the word "colonel" just shows up on the page. I mean WTF. Entonces, his name virtually disappears from the chapter. Does that make any sense? Why mention him in the scene if he only says like one line, and of little significance??

Last thing, DESCRIPTIONS. It's like all novels before the 21st century are half story, half unnecessary, unrelated descriptions. For example, one scene in Last of the Mohicans includes a third of a page describing a guy who's dozing off, hears his friend making "shushing" sounds, mistakes it for the sound of a snake, wakes up, then realizes it isn't, and falls back asleep. Then following that passage, there's a small passage describing how his nostrils flare when he's sleeping or something.

I wish the author was still alive so I can ask him why he put in all this random stuff. It's like making a perfectly good BLT sandwich, then adding peanut butter and kimchi. It doesn't make sense and it probably isn't very enjoyable.